I don't get it. I'm not out making babies or running off getting married. I don't even have a boyfriend. I drink, yes, but I'm always home for curfew even if I'm coming from a party in Katipunan and I'm never ever home drunk. I don't drive drunk. I don't even drink in between classes. I'm not a drug addict. I'm not a party animal, if people even really use that term. And I'm in church every Sunday even though sometimes it feels like I'm forced to because it's been completely forgotten that church is supposed to be a personal choice, and they never even stopped to consider if I want to.

I've been working my butt off recently to try and balance my studies and my extra curriculars. I study in between rehearsals, I spend hundreds of pesos on readings and I've been in national so much these days, the sight of red plastic makes me cringe and hold on to my wallet. My planner is organized. I don't cut class anymore. I work myself to the max even in fucking volleyball. I even try to listen in fucking SCI 10.

I'm not doing anything wrong. Instead of doing all those things, I'm in a play. A short and beautiful play. A play that I and four other people worked hard to create and make into what it is now. I put on a costume, put on some make up, get up on stage and tell people a story.

They love us, you know, all of us. They laugh, they cry, they cringe, they think about life and love. They feel alive, and we were the ones who did that. We made people feel, be it good or bad. Above all praises, that is what will make me feel the most rewarded, to know that we made people feel.

For the first time since college started, I'm doing something I really, really love. This makes me feel alive, and I don't know how I can make my mom see that. I learned long before that, while this doesn't give us the right to completely disregard them, grades don't make or break anyone. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life worrying about grades. I'm exhausted, yes, but it's the greatest type of exhaustion. The type where you know you're exhausted because you worked hard to create something beautiful.

It's unfair that I don't get to do something that I love because of how far away I live from my school. It's unfair that I have to keep watching other people up in lights while I sit in the audience wishing I could be up there with them. It's unfair that I'm not allowed to feel exhausted for anything else other than academics. And it's completely unfair that I can't be happy for three great shows because I know that it’s possible that I can never have anything like this again. It’s unfair, mom. I wish I could make you see that.